Valor Day

Yesterday, I spent the holiday quite differently. I feel so blessed to have had fellowship with the men of our church. These are the men who don’t talk that much. It’s quite absurd hearing male voices for almost the whole day. I felt happy to see them smile a lot, laugh hard and cry their hearts out. The highlight of that day for me is when we gathered together to talk about life- our joys, our pains and our dreams. It’s so unusual but this is what I actually want to hear from the men- especially old Christian men who brings with them tons of experience, successes and failures which are of great help for me as I am still starting to build my own family.

I don’t know but that day really had an impact in my life- their lives and experiences really encouraged and inspired me. I would like to summarize my learning through these bits of wisdom from the treasure chest of gallant fathers and husbands.

  1. Independence Day. This is the general pet peeve of the day. Independence from our wives 😊 funny comments and gestures enlivened the day- experiences from which every man can relate to. But beneath the surface, as we go deeper, I can say that these men love their wives and they have been through so much just to keep their marriage in place. I realized that every man in that place are very thankful for their wives, that every man is fighting or have fought a battle only they know.
  2. Each man has his own wounds and most of them are still under the healing process. Unlike any sector of the society, fathers and husbands do not have any comfort group where he can freely talk about his frustrations and pains. Most number of depressed people are men because they ought to keep it to themselves than talk it over to someone else. Yes, they communicate with their wives but there are those things which they want to keep to themselves and yes, their wives and probably their children bear with them because of their shortcomings but  men bear with themselves first and foremost- a constant inner tension. There are things that they have to struggle within, wounds that haunt them and words and actions that belittle them can easily unbury the pain, but of course, who else know but themselves? I think these wounds are the ones keeping them quiet and passive at times (or the other way around.) Men are hurt and they don’t show. Christian men are not exempted from the frustrations but they have a refuge, a sure confidant, empathizer and redeemer. Yesterday, I saw diversed men abiding under the wings of the Almighty which I believe is a great sight to behold.
  3. Men are in charge and wanted to be validated as such by their wives at the very least. My heart goes for each man who are being emasculated by their wives through insensitive comments, silent treatments, belittling gestures etc. Men don’t tell everything that happens to them after the long day of work and their homes should be a refresher without them having the feeling that they have to prove something. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way. Wives have the power to build up or destroy their husbands. It is difficult to break into the man’s core for it is covered with stiffness and rigidity but the wives hold the keys.
  4. Men will do everything to protect their families
  5. There is no perfect father and husband but the real measure of a man lies in his ability to surrender everything to God. Men from that group came from different walks of life but I equally admired each one for having a heart fully surrendered to the Lord.

Yesterday is indeed a fun and learning filled experience. It was a blessed day of valor with these valiant men!

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Happy Independence Day! 😊

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(Quick sketch-view from our cottage)

-Melvin

Apr 10,2019

#relationships #family #reflections

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